Still surviving

Full moon. Back in Plano. Trying to make it through for another go 'round. 

Back in the abyss

Here I am back in this hole. But I am completely without. No family. No friends. No companions. Nothing. 

It is bizarre. I am trying to hold on to the center. But there is nothing left. 

No poetry. Just misery. 

So little left to give

I give. She takes. There is little room for anything else. 

Why haven't I just walked away? 

Giving up

I should have been gone in 2005.  That was a action I took against myself. But she had medical POA over me and Danielle did not let me go.

In 2010 I could have gone, somewhat naturally. Lisa did not let me go and worked her magic to give me a reason not to go. I fought hard and made it most of the way back. 

In 2015 I tried to create a reason to stay. But everything is different. I am completely isolated from family, mostly abandoned by friends. No longer allowed to contribute to society. I do not see a successful resolution here. I have called upon this kid 2xs and both times she did not deliver. The thing is I Tried to create a situation where she would care about me. But she does not. And that is the reality. So now I just have to deal or lose. There is nothing left to hang onto.