If my reward is in Heaven, why do I persist in this realm?

Forty-three, will I see?
It is just a fortnight hence.
For in this life, only misery
Where is my recompense?

I have fulfilled needs
when for others needs arose
I have done many good deeds
when will I receive the payment owed?

For a laborer is worthy of his hire,
So the good book says.
Waiting for my funeral pyre,
For my reward will be delayed

Until Heaven I do reach
My reward is pending
For this the Bible also does teach
After life has ended.

So I wish for life to end.
Nothing more here to gain.
Good bye, my family and friends:
I can no longer endure this pain.

Time's up?

I don't think I'll make 43.

I am ready

I have little hope of securing employment.

Today, SSA sent a letter informing me that my benefits would not be paid because "you are not lawfully present in the United States." Huh?

I called SSA. They reviewed my information and could not determine why this decision was made, saying there was nothing in my file explaining it. The letter was dated 2/15, but the SSA Agent said it was written and sent 2/10.

That was right after I had updated my direct deposit information with the new account. A new account was opened because I had fraud on the prior account in both Dec and January.

This is really creating a tremendous hardship for me, because I have 4 payday loans. The amounts due vary: 555.00, 120.00, 83.00, 45.00. 3 of those are scheduled for 3/2, the 4th for 3/3.

I have 90.00 in the account, another 60-70 in cash on me. An empty gas tank.

The rep said the best case scenario would be getting paid 3/6 if they reverse themselves as a clerical error. That means something will have to give. I can get around the $555, but I will not be able to continue that loan, which I need to do until I return to my parent's home.

I am ready for it all to be over. It was as good as it was ever going to be back in 2003-2004. It has been all dwn hill from there. And there is little hope of it improving. I am thankful to those who have made this time nice. but I am moving (I hope) towards an ending.

January is a faded memory

Got away from any blogging in January. I am back in Jax (temporarily). I was just coming for the remicade tx, but I am going to stay whilst Lisa goes to work for 6 weeks, mainly to provide child care in the gap. My next tx is 3/28 and then possibly May 23.

The 2012 Jax 48Film Project is slated for June 15-17, Mak school ends June 6 and starts Aug 20.

So maybe an 8 week visit to TX? June 18- Aug 18??

I would need to be back for a treatment in there, unless I push the May 23 treatment a few weeks...