When the end comes, it comes quickly

I lost a friend this month. I currently have 8 (now 7) friends; to lose one is a great loss. I am on the verge of losing another; not to death, but to life.

My current situation is deteriorating. Given the choice of cats on counters, tables and in pantries or me eating food prepared here, you chose cats on counters, tables and in pantries.

Oh, well.

Yesterday I made soup; today a frozen pizza. otherwise I have eaten nothing prepared here. Even these two items, I had to watch over like a hawk. The cats have no problem walking in food stuffs.

Today you quoted one of the very first things I said to you: "You will tire of me."

In quoting it, you alluded to the fact that you have.

It stung a little, but what else could I expect?

Current schedule is to move my stuff out in the beginning of Sept, moving it into storage. Beyond that, I realize that there is little chance of repair.

It was always up to you to make this work. You always said you would figure it out, how to make it work. Maybe it was just impossible. Maybe it was more work than you were willing to put in. Either way, you failed.

I am heading about back to where I was when this part began, joints stiffening, skin reddening. Mind poisoned. Heart broken.

Oct 31, 2011, 19th anniversary of this thing that controls my life. 19 years to have lived with a sub-human life. I need relief soon. Soon. "When the end comes, it comes quickly." ~Joe Vautrin, Jr. In Memory of Tara L. K. Allen, Nov 9, 1969- Aug 6, 2011.