Monday, August 31, 2015

Virtual v. IRL

Well, I've vascillated between thinking this situation is sophmoric, stupid, idiotic to thinking it is the greatest possible situation. 

Turns out, it's neither. It is still a relationship between two people. Two people whose needs and wants often converge and (almost equally) diverge. 

Any relationship requires mutual respect and admiration to grow successfully and healthily. I remain ever the jerk. I cannot not change. The duality of my nature, the push-pull: so giving, yet such a selfish jerk is even on display in this situation. As always, the jerk is tolerated because the good guy is so good. But eventually, the jerkiness will be too much. 

I am aware of the jerkiness. Even took to apologizing for it today. There is no excuse. Why allow this duality to exist? 1. Identify issue✔️. 2. Take corrective action. 3. Reevaluate. 

I only ever make it to step 1. This situation is completely different than any I've ever known. This is about getting what I need through giving, which is common theme. But this is so different. I must end the jerkiness. 

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