Dear Danielle

Hi Danielle. I miss you so much. I miss having a relative that lived close. 

I really can't get your daughter anymore. She's 10 1/2 now. She is just not interested in doing anything with me. 

I recently was to take her to the movies. Long story, short, I drove back from beach to where she now lives with her daddy, his girl friend and a half brother from another girl (2 1/2). It is in Julington Creek. Anyway, I get there after asking her to be ready, I'm not able to walk well right now, and she wasn't. I waited in my truck. She didn't come. After 6 + min, I texted her, then left. I heard back from her 15 min after that. By then, I was long gone, the movie had already started. 

I drive by your home almost every day. Remember my friend Tara? She died 2 years ago. I live in her old house. 

So you and she are on my mind daily. Her date is Aug 6. I saw her the morning she died. She spoke to me the night before. So sad. 

I also saw you the night before you died. You're coming up on 6 years. 

The travesty in all of it is you should have allowed me to die in 2005. Since then, I fell in love, got rejected, got crazy (mania, again) lost job (3 years now), branded a criminal. Almost had chance to die again, was provided intimate comfort w/o love, and thrown away. Now I'm just waiting to die. I'm hoping not to make it through the 21 anniversary of the PsA. Oct 31. 20 years is long enough. I probably could have died from complications in 2010; I'm hoping the disease takes the same course this year and finally does me in. 

The left is 1 week and 2 days after blister formed and popped. The right was 1st pic, before 7th garbage day (2 days after it blew), see next. 

I got it doing a job collecting garbage in an apt complex. It had formed after 6 days over 2 weeks. I struggled with a 7th and final. 

Mentally, I'm more depressed than manic. That's been good for total sleep, but still not regular. It's 3:30am now. 

Both feet hurt along the area of the pads, or ball of the feet. That blister is on the outer area of the pad on the left foot. 

I miss you D. Love you. Sorry I wasn't a better brother to you.