Solstice musings

I sit here, my eyes getting blurry,
My ears their ringing will not stop;
My breathing, though heavier, does not deliver
And at times I wish it would just stop.

My throat tighter still,
My toes and fingers numb;
No life in my flaccid member,
would to death I succumb

No predator a threat to me
Save my racing mind;
An answer to this burning question
I will never find

What purpose to save me,
A life without value, yet to find
What purpose to soldier on;
Why not stop my foolish mind.

Still here.

Yesterday would have been Tara's 42 birthday. That hurts.

There is no path back for me. I thought I was going to get a job this week. It was so close. But then it did not happen.

It was a very meager job, like $500-$600 a month. Some how I could not even manage that.

I am so tired. I long for that eternal rest. My life was stolen from me, and I do not know how to get back to any form of a life.

The best thing is probably to just go away from everything I know, everyone I know. Disappear.

Things that Make Me Angry

The pain behind my eyeballs

the spike driving through the top of my head

the way my skin burns in the water

the way my skin shrinks as it dries, pulling tighter and tighter

the pain in my left eyelid

the fact that typing is difficult because my hands hurt so much

the pain running from my right elbow to the ring/pinky fingers in my right hand

the pain in both of my lower legs

the pain in my lower back

the stiffness in my hips as I walk

my aching toes and my tingling feet

MY SKIN

the way my mind sometimes refuses to work

and the way my mind sometimes refuses to stop working

the pain

the heartache

the loss

Danielle & Tara

I miss you guys

cats on counters

cats on tables with food

cats in beds

the way that anything that makes contact with my lower legs creates a sore

my inability to secure a living

my sudden dependence on others

my wanton desires

the way I do things to excess

my poisoned mind

the fact that I have failed twice to end it

my feelings for others well being

chunks of my ears falling off

Waiting to Die

I have a terminal disease. It is called "Life."
Better put, "Life without Purpose."

With no young to care for, the hope that progeny creates does not exist for me.
Existence absent purpose is not an existence worth living.

And so I wait.
My sister gone. (age 31)
One of my closest friends gone. (age 41)
Both leave behind life that needed them.

A daughter without a mother.
Sons without a mother.
It is senseless, or at the very least, incomprehensible.

And yet I muddle on.
Poisoned mind.
Poisoned body.
Still holding onto life.

But a life without value.
A life without purpose.
Nothing (back) to hold onto.
Nothing (forward) to hope for.

I wish the end would come for me.
I wish it would be soon.
But soon is not soon enough.
Skin falling off more rapidly now.
Joints again refusing to move.
Pain in head.

My joys? Tied to the make believe.
Tied to sensory delights limited (mostly) to eating.
Why won't the end come?
Suffering needlessly.

To what end?
Better to be memorialized as people's opinions seem to improve.
The reality is forgotten.
Let it be soon.

When the end comes, it comes quickly

I lost a friend this month. I currently have 8 (now 7) friends; to lose one is a great loss. I am on the verge of losing another; not to death, but to life.

My current situation is deteriorating. Given the choice of cats on counters, tables and in pantries or me eating food prepared here, you chose cats on counters, tables and in pantries.

Oh, well.

Yesterday I made soup; today a frozen pizza. otherwise I have eaten nothing prepared here. Even these two items, I had to watch over like a hawk. The cats have no problem walking in food stuffs.

Today you quoted one of the very first things I said to you: "You will tire of me."

In quoting it, you alluded to the fact that you have.

It stung a little, but what else could I expect?

Current schedule is to move my stuff out in the beginning of Sept, moving it into storage. Beyond that, I realize that there is little chance of repair.

It was always up to you to make this work. You always said you would figure it out, how to make it work. Maybe it was just impossible. Maybe it was more work than you were willing to put in. Either way, you failed.

I am heading about back to where I was when this part began, joints stiffening, skin reddening. Mind poisoned. Heart broken.

Oct 31, 2011, 19th anniversary of this thing that controls my life. 19 years to have lived with a sub-human life. I need relief soon. Soon. "When the end comes, it comes quickly." ~Joe Vautrin, Jr. In Memory of Tara L. K. Allen, Nov 9, 1969- Aug 6, 2011.

"Manipulation"

Remember when I couldn't wait to hear from you again?
Sweet melodious sounds have turned to a cacophony.

Your smiles have become scowls.
Your entreaties have become directives.

Playing has become work and
working with you has become non-existent.

You take advantage of my situation,
almost as if to make yourself feel better about yours.

(Or so it seems).

What is the standard accusation?
It escapes me, presently.

One word. You usually use it when any type of disagreement
Turns to a debate that you quickly find yourself losing.

I wish I could remember the word.
I heard it from you no less than 3 times today.

It means something like twisting or using someone else's words
In a manner other than they intended.

Oh, what is that word?
I guess I can wait until you use it again tomorrow.

I wish I was not sick.
But if I was not sick I would not be here.

You rail against my mental illness.
You despise my frailty.

But it is this deficiency in me that was
Allowing any of this to go on...

I have been forced to delete the texts and voicemails
from earlier in the year.

The ones in January & February in which you pleaded with me to return to you.
And return I did.

Now? Then I left, May, realizing it was not a good situation.
Then you again pleaded with me to return.

And again I returned.
Now you are telling me to leave...

Quite the turn of events.
So I must plan. I must investigate.

I must gather myself and my belongings.
Change will be good.

This stress is killing me.
And not in the way I could accept.

Thank you for your kindness (when you were kind).
I am going to pretend that your unkindness was somehow my fault.

That way, I am always going to remember you as kind.
And fault myself for the demise.

I will start removing stuff in September.
I will try to leave between Oct 4-7.

I do not have any good plan yet.
But I will come up with one.

I know you need a bigger aquarium.
I know your son wants his birthday @ WDW.

So I will help deal with that.
But no more plans. No more promises.

The Employment Contract

The Employment Contract

Date of Employment Commencement: ___August 1, 2011________

This document serves as a childcare employment contract between
XXXXXXXXXX and XXXXXXXXXX, hereafter referred to as “The Employer,” and Joseph Vautrin, Jr., hereafter referred to as “The Au Pair.”

IT IS AGREED, that The Employer will employ The Au Pair according to the terms and conditions outlined herein.

1 Terms of Employment

1.1

Hours

During School Days, The Au Pair is employed to work in the The Employer’s home according to the following schedule:

++++++++ Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday
Start-End___6-8____6-8_____ 6-8_____ 6-8____ 6-8__ 6-6____ off

Start-End___2-7____ 2-7_____ 2-7_____ 2-4____ 2-7___XX___ XX

NOTE: Au Pair must be on call M-F 8-2 during school days. Weekend off will be by mutual agreement each month, or 1st weekend of the month.

On Fall School Holidays, The Au Pair will be scheduled as follows:

Labor Day, off Sat, Sun & Monday
Thanksgiving, off Monday before-Tuesday after
Christmas/New Years, off from two days before Christmas Eve to Two days After New Years Day.

Please Note: Au Pairs may not work more than 10 hours a day, or 45 hours a week. They must have at least 1.5 full consecutive days off a week and they must have at least 1 free weekend a month.

1.2

Children

The children under care of The Au Pair during working hours are listed below:
First Name: Xxxxxxx
Last Name: Xxxxx
Birth Date: 2/22/2003
First Name: XxxxxxxXXxxx
Last Name:Xxxxx
Birth Date: 9/27/2005
First Name:
Last Name:
Birth Date:

Please Note: Au Pairs may not care for a child under the age of 2 without at least 200 hours of documented infant care experience. A parent or responsible adult must be present when an au pair is caring for a child under three months. Special needs children may only be placed in the care of an au pair with specifically identified experience, skills, or training in caring for children with special needs.

2 Duties

The Au Pair will be required to attend to the following additional childcare related duties during work hours:
List Duties Below:





Please Note: These duties may include, but are not limited to, washing children’s laundry, straightening children’s rooms, bathing children, and cleaning children’s play areas, Kitchen cleaning, dishes, assisting in general organizing.

3 Remuneration

3.1

Salary

The Employer agrees to pay The Au Pair a salary of $235.00 (Slightly less than current weekly US Au Pair Salary of $197.75 *30%). This salary will be paid once a month, or according to the following schedule:

Pay day will be second or third Friday of the month.

3.2

Deductions

The Employer agrees to pay the Au Pair’s full wages with no deductions.

4 Accommodation

4.1

Bedroom

The Au Pair will have a private bedroom in The Employer’s home. This bedroom will be:
XX_ on a separate floor from the family bedrooms
___ on the same floor as the family bedrooms

4.2

Bathroom

The Au Pair will have access to bathroom facilities. These facilities will be:
___ shared with children
___ shared with other family member ____________
___ private
XX_ en suite

4.3 Meals

The employer will provide 3 meals a day to the au pair.

5 Privileges

5.1

Car

The Au Pair (will not) have access to a car. If access to a car is allowed, the car will be:
___ Private
___ Shared
___ Available for use after hours according to the following schedule:
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________

The Au Pair may provide own vehicle.

Car Make/Model/Year ___________/_______/_______.

The Au Pair will have or will obtain an appropriate driving license before operating a vehicle.

5.2

Phone Privileges

The Au Pair will have access to a phone according to the following schedule:

NO RESTRICTION

+++++++Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday
Start
End
Start
End
Start
End

Long distance calls are to be paid for by (The Employer).

5.3

Computer Privileges

The Employer will provide internet and printing access to the Au Pair.

5.4

Additional Privileges

The following additional privileges will be included as part of this agreement:
__Storage of personal items in space in garage, tidy storage of personal items in private bedroom. Access to wireless internet and printing privileges. Driveway parking. _____

6 Restrictions

6.1

Curfew

The Au Pair (WILL NOT) be subject to a curfew. If The Au Pair is subject to a curfew, the curfew schedule will be as follows:
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday
Curfew

6.2

Additional Restrictions

The following additional restrictions will be included as part of this agreement:
_______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________

7 Vacation

The Employer has read and understands the regulations as set out by the Department of State which requires two weeks of paid holiday, 1.5 consecutive days off per week, and 1 full weekend off a month for The Au Pair. Vacations may be taken at any mutually agreed upon time during the year and are not available on an accumulation basis.

8 Sick Leave

The Au Pair may take sick leave when necessary. In the event of illness, The Au Pair must notify The Employer as soon as possible before the beginning of the next work day of The Au Pair’s impending absence. The Employer may not lower The Au Pair’s salary in response to The Au Pair’s sick leave.

The Au Pair understands that excessive or abusive use of the sick policy may result in termination of this contract or mediation of this contract.

9 Benefits Offered by Expert AuPair:

Not Applicable. Au Pair Responsible for personal health insurance, as well as any motor vehicle insurance should Au Pair maintain a vehicle.

10

Confidentiality

The Au Pair shall not during his/her employment with The Employer, or at any time thereafter (otherwise than in the proper course of her duties or as is required by law) without the prior written approval of The Employer divulge or disclose any information which, by reason of its character or the circumstances or manner of its disclosure, is evidently confidential to The Employer.

11 Disciplinary Procedures

Reasons which might give rise to the need for measures under the Disciplinary & Capability Procedure include the following:
(a) causing a disruptive influence in the household
(b) job incompetence
(c) conduct inside or outside normal working hours prejudicial to the interests or reputation of The Employer .
(d) unreliability in time keeping or attendance
(e) failure to comply with instructions and procedures
(f) loss of driver license
(g) breach of confidentiality
In the event of The Employer needing to take disciplinary action the procedure shall, save in cases involving gross misconduct, be:

Firstly Verbal Warning
Secondly Written Warning
Thirdly Suspension without pay

12 Termination

Termination of this agreement requires written notification with a full explanation and must be submitted in writing to Au Pair. Both parties must give the standard two weeks notice of termination.

Fees or charges owed but not reconciled by the Au Pair may be deducted from the final paycheck.

13 Addendums

_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________

14 General Terms

This contract shall be construed in accordance with and governed by the laws of the United States of America and the state of Florida. The parties submit to the exclusive jurisdiction of the justice system of the United States of America and the state of Florida.

I/We have read this contract, understand the terms and conditions, and agree to abide by them as witnessed by our signatures below. I/We have interviewed The Au Pair over the phone and agreed to these conditions with The Au Pair before her/his arrival.

________________________________________
The Employer Signature
Date
________________________________________
The Employer Signature
Date

I, The Au Pair, have read this contract, understand the terms and conditions, and agree to abide by them as witnessed by my signature below. I have spoken with The Employer via telephone and agreed verbally to these conditions of my employment. I have read the The Employer’s application.

________________________________________
The Au Pair Signature
Date

Tic Tac Toe

I lost twice to my niece last night at Outback. She told my mom, U. Joe lost on purpose. I did not. My mind is slipping... and I'm scared.It has been 26 months since things started slipping... but never my puzzle sharpness, problem solving. Until now.

"The profoundest instinct in man is to war against the truth; that is, against the Real. He shuns facts from his infancy. His life is a perpetual evasion. Miracle, chimera and to-morrow keep him alive. He lives on fiction and myth. It is the Lie that makes him free.

Man, awake, is compelled to seek a perpetual escape into Hope, Belief, Fable, Art, God, Socialism, Immortality, Alcohol, Love. From Medusa-Truth he makes an appeal to Maya-Lie."
—Jack London, The Mutiny of the Elsinore

Track Blue Bell Moolenium Crunch Ice Cream calories and reach your health goals with the Calorie Tracker

Nutrition Facts

Serving Size:
1/2 cup

Amount per Serving

Calories 190

Calories from Fat 99.0

% Daily Value *

Total Fat 11g

16%

Saturated Fat 7g

35%

Cholesterol 50mg

16%

Sodium 80mg

3%

Total Carbohydrate 20g

6%

Dietary Fiber 0g

0%

Sugars 16g

 

Protein 4g

8%

Est. Percent of Calories from:

Fat

50.8%

Carbs

41%

Protein

8.2%

* Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calories needs.

Age of Innocence, Wharton

"His whole future seemed suddenly to be unrolled before him; and passing down its endless emptiness he saw the dwindling figure of a man to whom nothing was ever to happen."

Social Security Payments and the Republican Tea Party

Why do the republicans think that it is OK to say that missing SS payments in August is OK?

“I came to Washington for a reason – to cut spending so that future generations are not saddled with debt,” says freshman Chip Cravaak(R)of Minnesota. “It’s up to the president and Secretary Geithner to decide what bills get paid.”

What? Remember 2000 election, and all the lampooning of the SS "Lock Box?"

I am a fan of Ayn Rand, well, at least of the Objectvist Philosophy. But so are many conservatives, and particularly, many tea party adherents, like Paul Ryan. Ryan's budget would eliminate Medicare, and replace it with a voucher program (what is it with the republican party and vouchers?) that, according to most things I have read, would only pay 30-40% of private coverage. And once Medicare is dismantled, then they will go after Social Security.

Rand her self was a medicare and social security beneficiary. Why?

Because in 1974 she contracted lung cancer (age, 69) and was told that the tx would cost more than her books brought in, she took both Medicare and Social Security, collecting just over 11K in SS Benefits.

Short of death, I am seeking to be numb...

NO matter what I am bored, and I cannot escape this. I have been crying now for 3 weeks. I have been lying in bed 14-18 hours a day for about 5 weeks. Not sleeping, although I have achieve a span of 8 hours or more at least 5 times in the last five weeks.

I will run out of medicine in two weeks (Seroquel/Depakote/Klonopin). I had to skip my doc appt as I was leaving town. That should be very interesting...

is this moon making me crazy? I guess I am learning that I am going to have to make arrangements going forward. 5 is one too many to deal with.

Another fortnight

Any of the days that have passed would have been a good day. Each day, I grow more pathetic. I am trying to stem the tide of abuse, to shed the victim role.

Isolated. More lonely now than anytime I can remember in the past.

Completely lacking desire, yet remain unfulfilled on any level. So desire must exist, yet I am absolutely unaware.

My incantation persists: Please let it be today.

I'm ready

Today would be a good day.

Moon rise, Sun rise in the Nation's Oldest City

Here I sit in one of my favorite positions~ on the beach. I have not had many Full Moon viewings in recent months, and generally am not a sunrise enthusiast. Today, I got to watch the crescent moon (waning) rise, in between the Venus-Mars-Jupiter triumvirate(?). In any case, it certainly would be described (by cosmologists) as a conjunction.

I recently was studying the big bang theory (BBT) and the ever expanding universe. It is interesting to me that when noted scientists 'stumble' on new principles (Einstein and Planck here) they try to re-work their findings to fit the existing scientific thought. E=mc2, Einstein tried to find some co-efficient to fit his findings into the solid state theory of the day, rather then the ever expanding universe that we have now come to realize exists!

But there is the common misconception that BBT is a single event, that Boom, then things developed. BBT is an ongoing situation...

As I consider these notions in the most simplistic of forms (since I do not have sufficient math background, something that I regret almost weekly), I wonder, what does it matter? I am like two steps from living on the street. I am constantly plagued by thoughts of death, of an ending. I exist in darkness. So why worry about cosmos research of the last 100 years?

And yet I am constantly drawn to read this stuff. Why? What impact is quanta and the uncertainty principle having on my life? Intriguing, but what can it do to heal this skin, these joints?

I am responding to the newest drug, Stelara, rather quickly. I had been developing patches on my elbows and knees that seem to be thinning on a hourly basis.

I am sleeping 3-6 hours a night in 2-4 hour intervals. Mania seems to be subsiding as this sleep is coming daily.

The frequency of intense headaches has increased. I still feel the constant vice around the circumference of my head; the pressure points, mid skull and the eyes pushing out have been the main problems.

I have been very anal about the Glucose levels and the use of insulin. I have been avg closer to 140 (as opposed to 350+). But I have noticed a rapid gain in weight. I am currently back to 300+ and rising. Yuck.

I am visiting with my parents, my niece in the Nation's Oldest City. I have been glad to be visiting the beach. I miss my playmate, which is stupid.

Chartless, I do not know how I am going to get there as I do not know where I am going.

If I am going to remain an ongoing concern, I need a plan.

18 1/2 years is too long

Death, why won't you come visit, come and take me away?
This existence my mind vexing, I'm longing for the day
When it all is over, and my soul released
From this physical prison, once I am deceased.

A Purposeless Driven Life

If man’s highest moral purpose is his own happiness,
Realizing that this is not attainable, why should he continue?
Objectivism talks about ‘a meaningful life.’
But what does this mean?
1. Physiological Functioning
2. Conceptual Consciousness
3. Freedom
a. Physically unable to carry out plans
b. Ability to act on judgments
4. Timing- ending it while still have ability to do so
exemplifies Conceptual Consciousness and Freedom,
is this a Paradox?
There is the idea of sub-Human existence. I have often described my life as such.

Wishing vs. Doing

I have always been a doer. It is something I learned by example of both of my parents; if you want anything done, do it.

Things don't just happen, you cannot count on (dumb) luck, things do not 'work out.' You make things happen.

That is why Objectivist philosophy has always appealed to me.

One of my problems with objectivist philosophy (in practice) is that you need 'goals'. very early on, I allowed myself to get side tracked from my goals, then abandoned them, and now really do not even really remember what they were.

And now (and for some time) my life has lost all meaning.

Remember Galt's Speech? (Man has two choices)... be a "rational being or suicidal animal..."

(A) Man's life is (his) ultimate value. The three values supporting this ultimate value are reason, purpose and self-esteem. The virtues that support these values are rationality, productivity and pride.

Rationality, man's most basic virtue, is the thing that allows man to be a goal- directed being, and that all of my activities, as a rational being, should support my goals. Unlike an animal, I am not be driven by momentary pleasures at the expense of our goals; such activity is irrational.

Worse yet would be hoping/wishing that things would happen. There is a false humility that exists~ virtuous-less hope: I wish to be rich, I wish for love, but never taking action that leads to these outcomes, nor even investigating what takes to acquire such things.

Hoping is abandoning responsibility. But the flip side of this 'humility' is a presumptuousness. Why? Because when you count on things to happen somehow, what you are really counting on is SOMEONE to do for you.

Productivity, the second objectivist virtue, is what allows man to set himself apart from his environment, freeing him from being subject to his environment. It is productivity that allow man to fashion his environment in support of his life's goals.

As such, productivity is the central purpose of the rational man's life. The most important aspect of productive work is the fullest and most purposeful use of my mind.

And it is my (current) lack of productivity that is getting me down. Why?

The third Objectivist virtue, Pride, is developed by "acquire(ing) the values of character that make (my) life worth sustaining." Self esteem being a primary Objectivist value, supporting the Objectivist premise that "the achievement of (my) own happiness is (my) highest purpose.

In my current state, I have abandoned rationality, am unproductive and lack pride.

Therefore, I am living like an animal, subject to my environment, only living for momentary pleasure.

As such, no longer a rational being, I am falling into the realm of a suicidal animal...

I wish things were different. And I am not a wisher, I am a doer. And that is a problem.

Is it Love?

I have never known love. This is as close as I have come:



I'm not sure if that is OK.
I miss my playmate. But for now, this will have to do. Double Double, XXX, extra toasted, Light Well Fries, Around the World (Choc-Van-Straw shake).
YUM! (?)

Giddiness

Not in the good, lighthearted manner, but rather more like dizziness associated with Vertigo.

This pain will not subside.

I have told my playmate that I will return to her as soon as possible. Need 2 weeks advanced purchase, I guess that would be May 19 or 20?

My skin is changing. Again. There is no relief.

I did feel a bit of longing and happiness.

Tick Tock

I am bored. Not momentarily, but I am in a perpetual state of boredom. I use perpetual, rather than permanent, because I am hopeful that it is not.

The hours pass...

My head in a vice, no relief from this pain.

Body beginning to make its very familiar turn.

To what end? Existence~ is this really living?

My prayer for death- ineffectual.

I'm ready.

I have a lot of hair growing on my thighs. That has never been the case before.

Two weeks of PsA meds left. What should I do? I have sent off a fax to my derm (in Jax) requesting that he submit applications for Humira and Cyclosporin since I was denied his drug choice, Stellera.

What's the point?

Please Death, come soon. But Not before Dec 3. I posited on my messed up mind blog that it would take that long for me to save up to pay my parents (2,900 now) and the cremation costs here in Plano (795 or 995, plus tax).

So now survival until Dec 3 is required. In the mean time I will have to arrange to pay the clerk of the courts monthly for 16 mos at $51/month. They will probably require 12 month plan or $68/month.

I am tired of this existence.

Yet excited that within 10 days, I could be eating a Double Double at In N Out Burger.

Seems Contradictory.

I miss my playmate. Even when she is sore with me, being with her is still better than not.

A Simple Argument

Here I sit in a very dark place.
Cannot get up or out.
There is no escape from this fate
For it is my skin I'm talking about.

My skin first failed, then my mind;
A failed mind is easier hidden.
My skin falls off my body,
My mind full of derision.

Myself deriding my own plight
With no one else to blame.
Decisions made in haste, usually not right
My life is now a game.

Since no escape from this abyss
I simply soldier on
In search of relief, though none exist
Unless myself I harm.

Jacksonville, er, Florida?

I arrived "home" in Jax on Feb 2. Here it is a fortnight later, and I am really spinning.

My usefulness to anyone has been totally wiped out.

I cannot get any movement on any front.

The physical disease is again worsening, despite the medication.

Mentally, incompetent.

Fiscally, irresponsible.

Soul, unsalvageable.

Ending will have to wait.

Abyss Wed, Sep 8, 2010 at 11:20 AM

Sinking deeper
In a free fall now
Blackness darker
Bottomless abysmality


Sent from Joe's BlackBerry Storm

Roller Derby Returns

Catch on CW 17 at midnight, Feb 5!

Flat Track... I have been attending since November 2008.

This Season, they are members of the national women's flat track association.

Catch them starting in March at Mandarin Skate Station or Jacksonville Indoor Sports!

Click on Schedule to enlarge.

recent movies...

Movies seen recently...

True Grit, Rabbit Hole, Nowhere Boy, Casino Jack, Little Fockers, Black Swan, RED, The Dilemma, Green Hornet, King's Speech, Country Strong, The Fighter, How do you Know, Burlesque, Secretariat, Morning Glory, Despicable Me, The Social Network, No Strings Attached, The Way Back, Due Date, Love and Other Drugs.

Of these, Black Swan, King's Speech and Nowhere Boy were my favorites.

I would also recommend True Grit, Rabbit Hole and Country Strong (I enjoyed the atypical ending).

I liked Casino Jack because it was a story I had followed for a long time. It impacted one of my favorite fast food restaurants (Miami Subs) and our local gambling boat operations (Suncruz Casino)...

I guess The Social Network, Unstoppable and Secretariat were OK.

The rest were crap. Other than Despicable Me, I have not seen any cartoons lately... thank goodness...

48 Hour Film Project Eco-Challenge, Feb 18-20

As a bonus to our normal participation, we are participating in a special online 48 Hour Film Project Competition, 48 Go Green. More details to follow.

Walt Disney World, Feb 12-13, 2011

It is that time of year again; time to head back to the house of the mouse.

Originally scheduled for Feb 19-20, it had to be moved up to accommodate the 48 Hours Film Project- 48 Go Green

This trip includes Kimberly and may include Makynzi.

Should be a good time-- pictures to follow.

Swan Lake by Tchaikovsky, Sat, Feb 26, 2011

Swan Lake, scheduled for February 26, 2011 at 7:30 in Orange Park at Thrasher-Horne Center for the Arts, will be performed by National Russian Ballet Theater.

The story of the Odette, the swan queen (so called because she is the 'queen' of her companions at the lake, who have met a similar fate at Von Rothbart's hand), cursed by Rothbart to live as a swan by day and as herself at night, a curse that can only be broken by securing the eternal love of a man.

This man (in the story) is Prince Siegfried, who sees Odette one evening as she is transforming from swan to human. For him, it is love at first sight. He invites her to a ball at the castle where he says he intends to choose her as his bride. Instead of pledging his love to Odette, he (mistakenly) pledges his love to Odile, Von Rothbart's daughter, thinking she is Odette. Before Siegfried pledges his love to Odile, Odette appears at the (window) opening, pleading, in swan form, that Siegfried remain faithful to her.


Afterward, Odette flees to the lake and throws herself in, expressing that she cannot live without
Siegfried; Sigfried follows her, and in this display of eternal love, Rothbart's spell is broken over the other swans of the lake; they are transformed into their human forms permanently.


The Russian National Ballet Theatre was founded with the help and support of the Ministry of Culture of the Russian Federation.

Talent and devotion to Art is its major principal. This is supported by the outstanding talent and devotion of the celebrated masters of the Russian ballet, such as, People's Artist of the USSR Professor Igor Moiseev, People's Artist of Russia Professor R. Stuchkova, People's Artist of USSR M. Lavrovsky, People's Artist of USSR Y. Vladimirov and others.


(photos courtesy of SARA Artists- Societe Anonyme de Representation Artistique).

JSO, Thurs, Feb 24 Tchaikovsky's Fourth

Times Union Center, Jacoby Symphony Hall
Featuring Performances of:

Glazunov, Spring, Musical Picture in D;
STRAVINSKY, Violin Concerto*; and
Tchaikovsky, Symphony No. 4.

*soloist Jennifer Frautschi

The featured piece, Tchaikovsky's Fourth, is considered his most colorful symphony, packing a wallop of belting good tunes, toe-tapping rhythms and vivid orchestration, combined with fatalistic tragedy and balletic grace… and of course the famous pizzicato movement.

The following is a past performance of Ms. Frautschi of Stravinsky's Violin Concerto:

L'elisir d'amore By Donizetti, Feb 5, 2011

The Elixir of Love (L'elisir d'amore) by Donizetti will be performed at the Times Union Center’s Moran Theater on February 5, 2011. One of the 20 most performed operas in the United States; it is a simple story of a man (Nemorino) smitten with a woman (Adina) in a station above his. The man is beguiled by a travelling salesman (Dulcamara), who offers some rancid wine as an elixir of love.

Before the potion can take effect, the object of his love is offered a proposal of marriage by a sergeant (Belcore). She accepts the sergeant’s proposal, although in a subsequent interaction between Adina and Nemorino suggests that she has feelings for him. As he is waiting for the potion to take effect, he acts indifferently toward Adina. The sergeant suggests that they move the wedding up to the following day, and Adina, in response to Nemorino’s indifference, agrees.

The following day, there is a wedding banquet. While awaiting the arrival of the notary, Adina frets over Nemorino’s absence. Meanwhile, Nemorino appears after she exits the set and asks Dulcamara for more potion. Dulcamara refuses as Nemorino has no more money. Upon hearing that Nemorino is in search of money, Belcore offers Nemorino an enlistment bonus to join the military. Nemorino accepts and uses the money to purchase more elixir.



Meanwhile, most of the town learns that Nemorino has inherited a large sum from an uncle. Suddenly women are acting very friendly to him. He sees it as proof that the potion is working. After finding out from Dulcamara that Nemorino has used all his money to buy potions to try to win Adina’s affections, Adina shows up, saying that she has purchased his military contract and that if he chooses not to go, he will no longer be sad. They drag it out, but she finally confesses her (mutual) love for him, and they live happily ever after. Belcore muses that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and Dulcamara sees Belcore as a potential mark…

Self Portrait- on a call

Fromm: The Art of Loving

The two persons become well acquainted, their intimacy loses more and more of its miraculous character, until their antagonism, their disappointments, their mutual boredom kill whatever is left of the initial excitement.

Yet, in the beginning they do not know all this: in fact, they take the intensity of the infatuation, this being "crazy" about each other, for proof of the intensity of their love, while it may only prove the degree of their preceding loneliness.

There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly, as love.

If this were the case with any other activity, people would be eager to know the reasons for the failure, and to learn how one could do better - or they would give up the activity.

My Truck was in an accident

My truck was in an accident during Christmas time rush.

The damages they were minor, but I was elsewhere- receiving medical treatment.

A backing accident, truly accidental.

My insurer did not like that the vehicle was "garaged" at the address of the unlisted, household driver.

They took a recorded statement.

They decided to pay. The claim was closed in exactly 28 days. They paid $817.21.

My truck is reported to have sustained no damage. I will see when I return for it and my other worldly possessions. That is all I have in life is that junk. Otherwise, I am all alone.