More of the same. Obsession. Foolish.

So I've continued in the same desperate vein. And feel the fool. Oh well. Hopefully I will extricate myself from it soon. 

How do you end something that does not exist?

Lying. It's one of the worst things I can think of. 

And yet we lie all the time. We lie to protect the feelings of others, we lie to save our own skin. 

But when we lie in a sloppy manner, what is the message we are trying to send? When we freely provide proof that shows us as lying, what are we trying to say to the target of our lie?

I'm so tired. Of everything. Of everyone. Every act is a slight. I must be the biggest buffoon in history. Or at least be perceived as such. 

How do I leave this situation? I just click out. Don't respond. Change my contact info. Anything. 

I don't want to be made to feel like someone is contacting me out of obligation. That it is a burden. It's so stupid. Just end the whole thing already. It's not even anything real. It was fun., right? Now it's not. Fine. Move on. 

The oddity continued, but what is appropriate?

I am surprised to look on here and see the 6/19 post. The oddity was a full blown obsession through Sunday, I guess. 

Something was altered that day, though. I realized that this whole thing was not real, but make believe. Of course, I knew that. But in existing in the moment, I somehow managed to block out that fact. 

Having realized it Sunday, it was proven again to me tonight (Tuesday). I actually was irked. I'm not sure that this is an appropirate thing, an appropriate response, though. After all, it's only make believe. 

I guess I'll just adjust. That's probably what I need to do. Head back into the real world, or at least not leave it for the land of make believe…

It was fun there (in the land of make believe) for a while. I remembered what it meant to care. About anything. But it's not real. It is only vapor. And the slightest breeze can blow a vape cloud away.